Felix Baumgartner’s spectacular tumble to earth, breaking the sound barrier was a bigger breakthrough than is widely understood.

Behind the jolly facade of breaking a record for falling to earth from a giant rubber johnny full of helium on the edge of space lies a dark secret…

Felix was the test pilot for the first real spacesuit, in a very public trial.

Now that the technology has been proved, statements are being prepared to the effect that the moon landings and all that grainy space footage stuff was all a bit of a wheeze.

This is as far as we’ve gone folks. But now we have a working spacesuit… Time for a rocket!

It was all started by the USSR when they pretended to fire a man into orbit, and was then topped out in a game of tit-for-tat bullshit by the USA with the pretend moon landings.

All of this before people had digital watches… Think about it.

Anyway, once both sides got started, it was all a bit difficult to back down, and so the superpowers publicly fronted up to each other like two piss-heads in a pub who can’t stop talking horse shit. “Go on, punch me in the stomach”. “My old man was a bare knuckle boxer” and so on.

Having come to a mutual agreement that they’d carry on spinning the yarn, whilst spending the money allegedly poured into  the space programmes on ever bigger fireworks for their nuclear arsenals, the ruse continued. And so lots of actors pretending to be astronauts ended up wobbling around on sets in the Nevada desert wearing suits that would have had difficulty keeping a fart in, let alone the vacuum of space at bay.

Until now.

Another interesting point was that apparently, Felix Baumgartner was chosen because he is medically unable to swear, thereby negating the need for the innocent public to endure 2 minutes of somebody screaming “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!” as  he hurtled to Earth.