Religion as Unbranded Ciggie Packets

Is religion too dangerous for the average citizen? Is it time for regulation?

In light of yet more grim atrocities perpetrated around the world in the name of one invisible being or another, rumours have it that the Government is considering plans to make religion of any brand less attractive for citizens.

Apparently, consideration is being given to a strategy akin to that being tried upon tobacco products.

This being that the product is:

• Made visibly unattractive through plain packaging.
• Forbidden in public places.
• Forbidden from advertising.
• Forbidden until a minimum age of responsibility.
• Locked away behind closed doors at the point of sale.
• Taxed until it hurts.

In order to do this, all advertising by any religion will be banned. This ban will extend to include sponsorship deals, so, for example, there will be no formula one cars screaming round a track with the name of any religious organisation, deity or prophet.

Furthermore, all religious buildings will be painted in a uniform olive-green, and will clearly display severe warnings on the building in bold black type, within a black outline box. Graphic images of the consequences of religion may from time to time be posted on the outside of the buildings.

All religious symbols and paraphernalia will also be removed from the buildings, and from any public space.

People will still be free to practice religion at these locations, or in their own homes, though the practice will be forbidden in public.

If needs be, offices will have little bike-sheds built outside, next to the smoking shelters, where, hidden from sight, people can go and “do religion” if needs be.

Meanwhile, a programme of ever-increasing taxation will be applied to those taking religion, in the hope that they can be persuaded to cut down, or stop completely.

A public information campaign will follow, with TV, internet, and street advertisements showing the serious harm that can be done by taking religion.