SA Man with no legs in shooting incident fights for a leg to stand on.
Plane missing now declared lost 2 plus weeks on, in massive expanse of water, but British boffins cleverly narrow it down to a mere 1 million sq kilometres.

Publicist not enjoying publicity via court-reported humiliation.

Photos of early morning makeup-free shockers accidentally sponsor polar bears.

Disgraced ex bank boss minister caught doing naughty stuff in sin confession guilt assuaging. Boo de fucking hoo.

Cold war bunged back in microwave to heat it up. Try watching laugh a minute BBC sitcom ‘Threads’ to relive growing up in the 80s. Sleep well.

Ebola virus spoils taste for eating bats. Insert own insensitive Ozzy Osbourne wisecrack here.

70s glam rock group Mud now unlikely to launch comeback tour in USA. (Own insensitive wisecrack really not needed here)

Generally news full of depressing shite, repeated speculation ad nauseum, magazine style titbits, and bitesize analysis by a ragtag bunch of random experts dragged uncomfortably before a camera.

Next!