Come With Me If You Want Your Printout…Asshole

Technology news: Fuji Xerox has created a robot printer capable of trundling itself around to bring documents to the person requesting them.

It all sounds a bit suspiciously like something from Futurama to me.

Apparently the printer is designed to keep sensitive documents secure, so for example,  all those CVs that people print at work, and flyers for their school fete  or Scout jamboree can be stealthily delivered to the offending requestor. No more guilty rushing to the printer for the offenders.

Side note: Seriously people – a printer costs about 50 quid. Get one at home you skinflint pricks.

I would suggest that maybe they could improve on the design if they also fitted it with a shredder, so it could safely dispose of the first 3 copies of the document most people print before realising there’s a blindingly obvious mistake on it. Maybe it could stand there tutting and saying helpful phrases like “I haven’t got all fucking day you know…”

If the designers really understood most modern offices, and wanted to be helpful, it could maybe bring a decent cup of coffee, and be fitted with a Griddle to knock up a tasty bacon sandwich as it trundles through the office to its destination.

The executive model could be fitted out by, say, Ann Summers, with devices to provide “Printout with happy ending”.

If it’s like other printers, this robot wonder will probably cost a surprisingly small amount of cash to purchase, but when it comes time to fill it with ink, that will be about eleventy million federation space credits. The tricky bit being that this printer could possibly turn up with a flick knife and frogmarch you to the nearest cash point.

Real, non-jaded news here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-28977840