2000 bargain hunting would-be immigrants attempted to get to the UK last night via the channel tunnel.
Keen no doubt to get a job on minimum wage, and maybe then thrust themselves into the hyper- affordable UK housing market.
Do you have a property to PX Sir? Ah, a share in an abandoned tent outside Calais! Hot and cold running piss and shit, and an excellent view of the cold grey sea, just a stone’s throw over a mountain of rubbish. Excellent. Holiday homes are very popular in the current market.
Maybe they aspire to the UK version of the American dream. Rise to the top, get a seat in the house of Lords, then reap the benefits. Which may seem to mean spending your 300 quid a day expenses on coke and hookers, before being gently encouraged maybe to resign, as it’s a little bit unseemly. What? Being caught?
Oh well, let’s get back to bombing their homelands in the name of freedom. There’s room for plenty more bottle washers and prostitutes…

*You may be one of the hookers.
Knickers may go down as well as up.
Your seat in the House of Lords is not guaranteed.

You may need to be a member of the House of Lords before housing, coke, or hookers seem affordable.