Rumours of a remake of the classic comedy, to bring it up to date around current woes on the high street.

Working in an atmosphere of collapsing high street sales, big company liquidations and store closures, our heroes are brought up to date for a new era of gloom.

Mr Humphries is no longer a camp is he/ isn’t he 70s stereotype, but a proud, openly gay man who cries himself to sleep nightly, terrified of losing his home if he loses his job.

Mr Lucas is hitting the booze and Prozac hard, and trying to laugh his way through what he knows will be his final permanent job before having to work a zero hours contract in some fast food delivery hell.

Miss Brahms is still living at home, unable to move out as she simply can’t afford to, and is considering escort work.

Captain Peacock knows he’ll never work again after this, and has started preparing for the scrap heap, by subtly smoking opium in the gents changing rooms, as he sees his pension disappearing in the coming collapse.

Mrs Slocombe ends up as a speciality- tastes dominatrix, renting out her pussy.