Category Archives: Uncategorized

You’ve got mail… Big news. Tom Hanks, currently Castaway on a desolate island (Australia) gets Corona Virus. Spotted after he went walking and could not stop sneezing, leaving what has now been referred to as a Green Mile. Expected to … Continue reading →

Wash your hands whilst singing happy birthday twice. Needs different lyrics… Wash your hands you fuck wit,Wash your hands you fuck wit,Use some soap and some water,And they won’t smell of shit. Repeat.You dirty bastards.

51 people. That’s 0.0000785% of the population of the UK infected with Corona virus. Is it time to go looting yet?Step 1. Find high street that doesn’t already look like the fucker has been looted, or used as a set … Continue reading →

The pitch is: Big Brother meets Love Island meets The Only Way Is Essex etc, meets My Big Gypsy whatever. A group of spray-tanned gym morons with American teeth and tattoos. .. trapped on a traveller’s site on an Essex … Continue reading →

I fucking hate all these arse-warts on LinkedIn with their ‘daily routine of a leader’ horse shit. Up at 5am for a cup of warm water and some meditation. Fuck off. This is more likely for most: 2am. Wake. Get … Continue reading →

This is the interval of time in seconds between hearing Zoe Ball or Sara Cox on Radio 2, and changing channels, source, or turning off the abomination entirely. The Ball-Cox interval varies greatly by individual, but usually increases in value … Continue reading →

Every day I wake up, he’s there by my side, Non- wagging tail and lifelessly-eyed. A burden to bear, He jumps onto my back. To be carried around, My esteem to attack. And he’ll stay there day-long And he’ll whisper … Continue reading →

After 9 years of austerity, and a succession of Conservative PMs and ministers driving the country apart, it’s time for another random general election. Millions of ground-down voters with dwindling faith in anything anymore will be heading to the polls … Continue reading →