Author Archives: Mr S Wheeze

The Daily Clickbait News: Today: Adele and Glastonbury…

Posted on June 16, 2020 by Mr S Wheeze

Somebody should tell her it’s off. She can preload on bowls of pasta and cakes, washed down with Red Bull, and turn up frothing at the mouth next year.

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Just Me? Rolls Eyes…Poor Madeleine McCann

Posted on June 4, 2020 by Mr S Wheeze

After 13 years of careful consideration and, I must say, some pretty epic opium smoking sessions *cheeky wink*, I have leapt to the conclusion we should probably have a look into that van-dwelling German Paedo guy with a record of … Continue reading →

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Amazing (Something) flying off the shelves in (Some random nearby location we inferred from your IP address) !

Posted on May 6, 2020 by Mr S Wheeze

Go away click-baity bullshit adverts… it’s not the early 2000s…

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“Sound”Advice from POTUS Saved UK PM

Posted on May 3, 2020 by Mr S Wheeze

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Tom Hanks Corona Virus…

Posted on March 12, 2020 by Mr S Wheeze

You’ve got mail… Big news. Tom Hanks, currently Castaway on a desolate island (Australia) gets Corona Virus. Spotted after he went walking and could not stop sneezing, leaving what has now been referred to as a Green Mile. Expected to … Continue reading →

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Corona Scrubbers

Posted on March 4, 2020 by Mr S Wheeze

Wash your hands whilst singing happy birthday twice. Needs different lyrics… Wash your hands you fuck wit,Wash your hands you fuck wit,Use some soap and some water,And they won’t smell of shit. Repeat.You dirty bastards.

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Online Looting?

Posted on March 3, 2020 by Mr S Wheeze

51 people. That’s 0.0000785% of the population of the UK infected with Corona virus. Is it time to go looting yet?Step 1. Find high street that doesn’t already look like the fucker has been looted, or used as a set … Continue reading →

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The Ultimate TV Show For The Masses…

Posted on February 17, 2020 by Mr S Wheeze

The pitch is: Big Brother meets Love Island meets The Only Way Is Essex etc, meets My Big Gypsy whatever. A group of spray-tanned gym morons with American teeth and tattoos. .. trapped on a traveller’s site on an Essex … Continue reading →

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Office Heroics 20: A More Realistic Morning Timeline Of The Downtrodden Office Nobody

Posted on February 4, 2020 by Mr S Wheeze

I fucking hate all these arse-warts on LinkedIn with their ‘daily routine of a leader’ horse shit. Up at 5am for a cup of warm water and some meditation. Fuck off. This is more likely for most: 2am. Wake. Get … Continue reading →

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The Ball-Cox Interval

Posted on December 13, 2019 by Mr S Wheeze

This is the interval of time in seconds between hearing Zoe Ball or Sara Cox on Radio 2, and changing channels, source, or turning off the abomination entirely. The Ball-Cox interval varies greatly by individual, but usually increases in value … Continue reading →

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