Author Archives: Mr S Wheeze

He sneaked past his dad, carrying a newspaper to disguise the filthy document secreted within. Ensuring the door was shut behind him, he sneaked beneath the covers of his bed, and switched on his torch. Slowly, quietly, with trembling hands, … Continue reading →

Best moment this morning: some wizened old dot looking totally puzzled and outraged at the tiny coffee she just paid 2 quid for. Obv had no idea what a double espresso was before she ordered it. They didn’t help by … Continue reading →

Because boredom… A surprising number of people viewing the following offers off t’Internet, but no buyers… Good Hard Shag. Fantastic hard plastic model of Phalacrocorax aristotelis, Excellent condition. May PX aluminium sparrow + cash. Great Pair Of Tits. One bearded. … Continue reading →

2000 bargain hunting would-be immigrants attempted to get to the UK last night via the channel tunnel. Keen no doubt to get a job on minimum wage, and maybe then thrust themselves into the hyper- affordable UK housing market. Do … Continue reading →

So, you find yourself at the garden party organised for a friend’s daughter’s first birthday party. Said friend started out on the family life path a bit later than you  did. Consequently you are there with two of your own … Continue reading →

  Hardly likely you’ll get the aforementioned glove puppet being offered, but I’m only surprised it hasn’t sunk to these depths. After enduring yet another episode in the ad-saga from confooosed dot coom for a free Brian toy, I do … Continue reading →

It seems like only yesterday that you just kicked the bucket, So I’ll put this shitty rhyme up on my post cos, well, yeah, fuck it. I can’t be arsed to find the words to type it for myself, So … Continue reading →