Workers around the UK are relieved that the latest Tough Mudder event has been called off due to entirely predictable pandemic-related hilarity.
Office worker Gary Mashspuds said: ‘When I knew my two colleagues Dan and Sue were off doing another one of these kiddy obstacle courses for keep-fit bores, I was close to tears at the prospect of a Zoom call we have scheduled the following Monday, where they would bore us all to fuck with it. Now I can relax. ‘
Frustrated you can’t even go to, say, France? Looking to blow a fuckload of money on rocket fuel to burn the atmosphere, sat next to 5 other shaved apes, all trying to get a few minutes of your fat cadavers weightless, whilst peering out of a tiny window?
Well… Hold on to your rolls of lard, because the tax efficiency knight has a deal for you!
BBC News – Sir Richard Branson gains licence for commercial spaceflights
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-57611550
You’d think that with a pandemic, and all the related fuckery going on, that there would be no room in the news for this kind of bollocks. Off to fuck with it…
Same as everyone else probably. Maybe buy some saucy postcards, a stick of rock. Maybe a bit of crabbing.
Basically: Man gets unbelievable opportunity to rat out everybody, having been told to sling his hook.
‘Yeah they were all shite or something. I mean, me too, but them, tch…and another thing…’ something like that. Away with it all …
Good news kids, I know it has been a difficult year or so, so I’ve booked us a break somewhere on the green list…
Pack your Kevlar swimming trunks, though.
We’ll all be back in an office soon… (dafuq we will)…
My Google Maps Timeline?:
Bedroom….Ensuite…Kitchen…Home office…Kitchen…Living room…Bedroom. Ooh look! SAINSBURY’S…
Now the ratings..
Bedroom. 3 stars. A bit farty. Noisy cat.
Ensuite 4 stars. All my favourite ablution potions. Even Brut. ‘Splash it all over, you ***t’ or some such…
Home Office. 2 stars. Farty. Coworkers troublesome.
Living Room. 1 star. Every TV channel and streaming service known to man. Still nothing on. Room misnamed.
Kitchen. 5 stars. Great when the serving staff are on duty. Otherwise meh.
Sainsbury’s. Weekly outing. I like the ‘trolley push’ ride the best. Bit pricey, but worth the trip out. Would buy a ‘season pass’ if available.
Sadists tired of open-water swimming in rivers full of animal piss, bitey fish, livid swans, and stolen mopeds celebrate the return of swimming in gallons of chlorinated water topped up with toddler piss, sweat, and strange milky bits from local perverts.
spiffingwheeze 