spiffingwheeze

Seems Alex Salmond managed to raise a few quid to contest him being accused of sex pestery.

But what about this guy? Save Pepe…

Goodbye you parasite fuck nuggets.

I hope you end up haunted by the cunt puppets from your adverts.

Wonga ‘considering all options’ as compensation claims surge – http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-45313958

Summer comes and brings the sun,
But careful when you’re having fun
For Satan made small biting things
With needle teeth and tiny wings
That silently around you buzzle
Then zero in for a quick guzzle
We’re cursed if we just pop outside
They’ll get you with their stealthy glide
And pop a straw right in your vein
Whilst giving something for the pain
So it’ll be some minutes after
You can hear their tiny laughter
As off they fly to bite some other
Leaving you to run for cover.
And don’t think it’ll get much better,
Just as it turns slightly wetter,
Stripy bastards all appear,
To fill the garden up with fear
They turn up when you get a drink
To dive bomb it and make you shrink
Away from their ceaseless attack
And then they leave
And then come back
And when you least expect it man
They’ll sting you
Just because they can.
Just stay inside with Windows close
And wait for winter
They’re all froze.

It’s hot…

To the tune of Starry Starry Night.

Sweaty, sweaty night
Paint my nice blue t shirt gray
Been sweating on a summer’s day
With eyes that know the darkness in my pits
Sun burns on the hills
Scorch the trees and daffodils
I’m hoping now for winter chills
To cool my sweaty bits

Now I understand why I can’t buy any fans
And paddling pools across the land
How you tried to get some shade
The sweat poured from your brow…
I’m sodding boiling now

I just got off a long Skype meeting that was going so “well” that, when it finished I typed in the other Skype window you obviously have running to speak the truth with selected sufferers:

“I may go outside now for a wee in my front garden, whilst wearing a saucepan on my head and shouting “EXTERMINAAAATE!”.

It was quite a call….

I mean, we’d need some kind of happiness yardstick for starters.

In sickness, in health, and probably mediocrity. Cheers!

https://www.theguardian.com/law/2018/jul/25/supreme-court-rules-unhappy-marriage-not-grounds-for-divorce-tini-hugh-owens?

Keep your hands in your pockets when tempted to buy a ticket to paradise. Buy some premium bonds maybe.

1984. Lottery. Orwell.