spiffingwheeze

As I tend to enjoy the festival from home, in surround sound, with working facilities and a fridge etc, this year was an odd affair.

I got to see a fine array of acts, which would have been impossible to assemble together at any point in history, finished in enormous style by Mr Bowie, who left the planet some 5 years ago.

What days indeed…

Go away click-baity bullshit adverts… it’s not the early 2000s…

You’ve got mail… Big news. Tom Hanks, currently Castaway on a desolate island (Australia) gets Corona Virus. Spotted after he went walking and could not stop sneezing, leaving what has now been referred to as a Green Mile. Expected to recover, however he is unwell, and his wife has reported he is unable to maintain a Woody.

Wash your hands whilst singing happy birthday twice. Needs different lyrics…

Wash your hands you fuck wit,
Wash your hands you fuck wit,
Use some soap and some water,
And they won’t smell of shit.

Repeat.
You dirty bastards.

51 people.

That’s 0.0000785% of the population of the UK infected with Corona virus. Is it time to go looting yet?
Step 1. Find high street that doesn’t already look like the fucker has been looted, or used as a set for a zombie apocalypse film.
Hmm.
Abandon plan.

The pitch is: Big Brother meets Love Island meets The Only Way Is Essex etc, meets My Big Gypsy whatever.

A group of spray-tanned gym morons with American teeth and tattoos. .. trapped on a traveller’s site on an Essex roundabout, where they all compete to be the most unlikeable human flotsum bobbing in the shitter. There’s some off-camera humping, then Tyson Fury comes flying in at the end coked off his nut, and bare knuckle boxes everyone to death except one.

Working title:

The Only Way is A Big Essex Gypsy Love Bareknuckle Site Island.