spiffingwheeze

A drain clearance company left the Houses Of Parliament earlier today, having been called in earlier to examine a 210ft fatberg. It appears the foul congealed mass of fat and human waste was, in fact the MPs in attendance.

Walking back from the local co-op and overheard some young lady telling her friend that her grandad had hung himself. Which is terrible. It’s obviously hanged.

That moment you suspect the office you’re currently contracting in, though only marginally further ‘Up the country’, could indeed be actually at the very point the country turns ‘Up North’

Rumours of a remake of the classic comedy, to bring it up to date around current woes on the high street.

Working in an atmosphere of collapsing high street sales, big company liquidations and store closures, our heroes are brought up to date for a new era of gloom.

Mr Humphries is no longer a camp is he/ isn’t he 70s stereotype, but a proud, openly gay man who cries himself to sleep nightly, terrified of losing his home if he loses his job.

Mr Lucas is hitting the booze and Prozac hard, and trying to laugh his way through what he knows will be his final permanent job before having to work a zero hours contract in some fast food delivery hell.

Miss Brahms is still living at home, unable to move out as she simply can’t afford to, and is considering escort work.

Captain Peacock knows he’ll never work again after this, and has started preparing for the scrap heap, by subtly smoking opium in the gents changing rooms, as he sees his pension disappearing in the coming collapse.

Mrs Slocombe ends up as a speciality- tastes dominatrix, renting out her pussy.

LinkedIn users alarmed at the noticeable reduction in banal repetition of the same Steve Jobs quotes and subsequent fawning comments related to said Steve Jobs quotes.

One LinkedIn user was quoted as saying “I became uneasy when I realised I hadn’t seen the same grainy meme picture with his quote about hiring smart people for nearly four days. I mean, how am I supposed to remain uplifted?”

Unknown source.

Could also work, unchanged as encouragement for flagging middle age sex.

Now read it again…

This guy did it for 50 years…

BBC News – Sesame Street’s Big Bird puppeteer retires
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-45890721

Ah, world mental health day. When companies pretend to give a fuck for one day, whilst people are looking. *Yawn*. They don’t. Card companies seem to be missing out on this one. ‘Sorry you’re depressed and anxious and whilst we’re possibly contributing to that won’t admit to it in any official capacity’ with a picture of a tearful teddy bear tremblingly holding a revolver. Anyway. What world something day is it tomorrow? Ooh! International Day Of The Girl Child.